


Tantalus’s Banquet

by PallanMinerva



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Don’t think about it dude, Hotline Miami and Metal Gear Solid references, I meant crackfic, It’s crackfuck, Other, Ships and characters may not appear for very long, just don’t
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-25 22:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30095919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PallanMinerva/pseuds/PallanMinerva
Summary: I guess this is just gonna be a place I throw random FGO ideas into. Ratings and tags are subject to change.
Relationships: Kama | Assassin/Sessyoin Kiara
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This came from a PM conversation between a friend and I. The context is convoluted and doesn’t make sense, so don’t worry about it.

  
Siegfried walked cautiously down into the basement, Balmung in hand, blood splashed all over his armor to a level rarely seen outside of grindhouse films. He felt disgusting, like his soul had been dipped in rancid oil. He reached the bottom of the steps and felt sick to his stomach, suffocating despite the fresh air being ventilated in. 

_This is the end. It has to be._

He gently opened the door.

It seemed to be an empty office room, wooden decor and warm lighting coloring the air with a sense of unexpected formality. He almost lowered his sword, but he was too tense. Something wasn’t—

_“So... you like to play Castlevania?”_

Siegfried spun around as the door slammed shut. Someone floated behind him—a gas mask hiding their face and a latex bodysuit covering the rest of their body. 

He finally registered what they had said.

“Huh?” he said confusedly. “What? Castlevania? What are you talking about?”

_”Oh, shit, wrong game. One second.”_

The air shimmered and they were gone. He brought his sword up even further. 

“Take a seat.”

He spun around again. It was a similar voice but... they were in a business suit... and was that a crocodile mask...?

He didn’t like this at all. 

“I’ll stand, thanks.”

The figure shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

An uncomfortable silence settled over them, but still he didn’t lower his guard. 

Finally, the person came out with a casual question. “So... you like hurting people?”

“No!”

“Oh.”

Again, an awkward silence. Was this it? Was this really the end?

“How about stars?” they asked again. “You like stargazing?”

“...I suppose?” 

“Oh, great!” The figure clapped twice and suddenly a paper ticket appeared in each hand. “Wanna go to the planetarium next week? They have a nice exhibition about Sagittarius that I’ve been meaning to go see but haven’t had anyone to take. It’ll be fun!”

“...what?”

“Great!” the figure proclaimed triumphantly. “I’ll pick you up from your place Thursday night, 7PM, okay?”

“Huh?”

“Awesome! See you then!”

And then Siegfried was alone in a dank sewer, blood dripping off of his armor, a thousand times more confused than when he had entered.

“What just happened?” he asked the empty air. To his disappointment, it failed to answer him.


	2. Chapter 2

One of the ironclad rules of Chaldea was that Servants were only allowed to battle each other in the designated training halls. Those rooms were rarely empty. It kept interpersonal issues mediated, or at least moderated, and allowed for a great deal of tension and stress to be worked out.

But there was one pair who refused to do so.

Whenever the two halves of Beast III met each other, anyone in the vicinity could always feel the tension weigh down the air. The more time passed, the more the tension built. Everybody was waiting for the day they’d finally leave their own marks on the combat auditorium, but still they held out. Nobody could understand why.

And if Kama continued to have their way, nobody ever would.

“Your post-coital brooding impersonation is spot-on,” Kiara said, blankets strewn about as she leaned on her side to stare at Kama. “All you need is a cigarette to complete the image.”

“I think I’d rather eat Parvati out than put one of those disgusting things on my tongue,” Kama muttered.

“Am I not enough for you?” Kiara leaned onto her pillow with a smile. “How disappointing. Clearly I haven’t offered enough of myself.”

“There is only so much of you I can take,” Kama replied, pulling a knee towards their chest. “Don’t make any more unpleasant for me.”

“I’m almost hurt,” said Kiara.

That put the ghost of a smile on Kama’s face.

“Good.”


End file.
